Just me and my buddy

So my buddy was off to UK soon.
And he's just planning to get his @$$ in the upright position.
Planning, packing, visa and stuffs.
And guess what his parents are just too busy doing stuff I'm filling in for temporary baby sitting haha.
Sort of.

So I went with my buddy downtown to get doctor checkups for him and stuff and we had some fun messing with people. Or more of people messin with us.

Little things like which girl looked at me or him first. Or if that girl talked to him or me 1st. It means something. YEA RIGHT> If a girl actually ties her laces up with her @$$ facin u, its supposed to mean that she wants you to bang her to right? Wtf man....lols BUT yea, it was fun messing round.
And if we'd dare our guts to go at the girl.

The usual thing. That we stopped doing to each other ages ago. That goes far back-since high school.
Punching bags for each other we'd always punch like hell just to see who's the man.
Its just funny how we're in 2 different universities now. And life will soon diverge so much from the path that we were originally on. Ahh......Nostalgic.

Back then its just, his gelled hair, my slick hair, our prefect duty or privilege (more off xD).
Challenging each other, Picking fights, fight with buddies (sometimes it happens. Dnt ask), covering others, ensure people are safe, no fighting, (but sometimes we get into it ourselves xD), living on every other day, looking out for some sucker who tried to hit on his sister (his sister is as well as mine), adhering to rules and making sure every1 was doing that.
Backing each other up when we got into sh@t. Also responsible for putting each other into sh@t sometimes xD Intentionally-speaking.
Ahhh......of course. The girls......WE'd get it everytime we send students off to class.
The best part about being the prefect back in junior high?? Lol, is that you get any CHICK, ANYWHERE, WHOEVER. You got that access man. (I think that's why I signed up despite I always claim about my righteous duty xD. Sh@T I JUST FIGURED THAT OUT!~! XD )

And you get to watch all these girls walk past you  line by line and you get to " CHECK " them out literally MAN!~!!!! I mean, yea obviously u check for the serious stuff, but then, in come this son of a mathafcker (my buddy) and tell you in your ear, " Hey, this girl, nice shape wei..... " And it never crossed my mind ( I know you wanna say, "YEA RIGHT" ) But HONESTLY, it never crossed my mind, till my buddy said that, N I'm like WTF?!?!? Cuz I'm like putting on a straight face, being serious doing my job, then that sucker came to talk sh@T. (Slaps face).

But yea, then u realised, hey......this is cool......if I like this chick, I'd get to "purposely" STOP her, check her badge WHATEVER.

Or say anything whatever THE HELL I WANT, with the fact of course, the whole line has gotta stop and STARE and me saying whatever I want to this girl. Which, is still NOT BAD XD
SO I did!~! xD Hey man, its cool.
And the girl......haha, she feels cooler. I'd stop the whole world, and have the whole world to know and look at me saying stuff like, " Stop please. Hey, you look great, I like it. ;) " And then say, " Next!~! xD "
And imagine that man. Told ya dude, we'd get that and girls, any other day.

I dunno if I miss the days, or I miss it cause of the fun I had with the girls xD.
But honestly, I miss it. Those fights, those nights, those.....times. Seem so far and child-like now. I never looked forward to after school unlike every1 else. I never quite thinked of, " ITS GONNA BE GREAT AFTER JUNIOR HIGH!~! "
NEVER. I was always having fun......I'd be like, after junior high, is just life isn't it? Whats the big diff?
CAUSE, DUDE, I HAVE FUN where EVER I go. Nothing's gonna STOP THAT. \\m// \\m//
Sure, those guys go on smoking and whatever crap. I don't partake in smoking though I partake something else, but still, ask me today, I miss those times. Not cause its better then, its just that sometimes, some old feelings will never wane.
Then again, these things they don't go away. You don't erase it, you just......live with it. Its just a part of you that you never erase. Cuz its YOUR memory. You can't MAKE something completely GONE just cause you hate it. Its gonna be with you. No matter what happens.
If you wanna think about how much you hate that you can never forget breakups, haha, I'd like the fact that memories don't wane away from me, cause I'd still get to revisit these old happy times I had with my buddy.

See, you always have an option.
If some memories will be a part of you, no matter what, it means the good and the bad will be there.
Its just you choosing which, the bad or the good to focus on. If you keep thinking about hate, you're there with the bad. If you think about the good, you're there.

My primary buddy's 21st birthday celebration N I didn't even need to "TRY"

Was cool!~! =D
I didn't bring like heck alot of ppl around cause he just told like last min..........then it was like........
Crazy cause I was like, " What the heck? I don't drink d bro. I thought u told me u grew up? xD "
Yada yada yada.
And I'm like the only buddy bro from primary he's got to call along. The rest are all his......
" Life has gone so far, these are the people that I've met " ---kinda friends.

Anyways, off we went talking stuff. Crazy guys came all the way up just to drink man.
I was like, ok, lets just go somewhere you normally go to. But he'd bring them up to meet me in my place man!~! Big-time bro. Big-time.

And.....they were still going for the second round after that back in private home to go all out on liquor. They just wanna get high and drunk man....lols.
And I'm nuts, and they're way nuttier-for yesterday only man xD.
Cuz I've still gotta play like 4-5 badminton games a week, I can't let this stuff get to me lols.

As for the yester party,
No problem. Everyone was sober.
No out of the mind blackouts or girls disappearing.

Ahh......yes.....a party without the drama. For once. Haha.

Like what I think though, I'm the life of the party. And hey, if I just kept a lil low profile, it appears the party ain't that hot. When I burst out, go all out 6th gear, haha. Party ain't just a party. Its a.....party + "the crazy factor" a.k.a.= me.
Alright, you're gonna ask if I'm gonna go back to party rock? Going crazy? Like how I used to?
Hints:

1: Crazy, I'll always be.
2: Partying. Everyday.
3: Drinking. I guess I can call it a NO way. "I mean crazy drinking like how I used to"

Cause I've been there. Pretty much done. After awhile, you'll see and understand some things.
The motives behind those stuff. And then you pretty much realise........
the reason for all that.....just don't mean that much anymore.
I've always been hyper and nuts. And when I ain't, well, u can tell what, when and why.
And then you think, " wait, I didn't need an excuse to get hyper and happy. "
So, what about now? If I didn't need an excuse to get hyper and happy, do I still need the heck to go do that kinda thing? I just.....realised like....I really don't need to.
I can party, be crazy and get hyper, every other day with or without "ale". So, with the ale? Its still me if I don't wanna go hyper.
I'm just no longer gonna let that thing drive and control me no more.
I mean, occasionally, its still okay. But going all out like how I used to every other week or time, its just done.

Sometimes in life you, just find a better meaning in certain things that you do. And things change.
But of course, if its my friend's birthday, I should go crazy right? Haha. Just not yesterday though.
Still crazy, but no longer crazy like, " Hey girl, wassup.....like your style....Ur birthday today too? Gee, my buddy's birthday today. " Make this party man....
For some apparent reason, I no longer go all out to go and talk to some random chick. Whats up though? I really don't know. Something weird, but yea......its just.....plain weird.
Maybe I'm just tired cause of so many badminton matches.

No more match and mixing tables in the party or the field......Yesterday was just chilling. And at times when you chill. You'd still get chicks talking to you anyway. ;)
Just.....a different kinda chick though.
And hey, u get the more sensitive ones!~! xD Rather than the crazy, loud, a.k.a. crazy me type.
So, either way, you still get chicks bro!~! xP
Weird stuff. But I prefer it when I go hit out on somebody rather than some chick hitting up on passive me. IT JUST FEELS SO WEIRD. I feel so "pu$$y" alright. Its not like I'm shy or anything. I'm just chilling. Then they'd think you're havin a problem or something.
I guess NOW I KNOW how chicks feel when I randomly hit on them xD
If my talk was interesting, I'd see it in their eyes and they'd get enthusiastic talking. If it wasn't, then they'd probably get cold turkey or just make some excuse to get out of there. And guess what, I just did EXACTLY THAT. Not bad that I can actually experiment how its like man to be the one getting hit on. xD
Its like I'm just seeing crazy me trying to chat up passive me.

Life can be simple, but only when you want it to be.

What?

" So here is the deal guys...you may say you love someone, and you may actually love someone, but telling them that too early is probably the worst mistake you can make. I know this first hand. rather recently, actually, I told someone I loved them, and I did, and they didn't believe me.
they told me I was lying to myself and to them. that I was too serious and wanting things that they were not prepared for. Said I was, in essence, making a mistake.
Now, after I made my mistake, and everybody. It was MY mistake, they dont want that relationship anymore. just...poof. feelings gone. They dont want me to get them back...to fix the damage that I did. But we were 'never a couple.'
Now, my friends...all they tell me is, we can still be friends. Not too long ago they told me: 'You can't feel what you don't, and you don't feel what you can't.' Well how do I not feel the way I do about you and try to fulfill what you want from me. I still want you. I still want to be around you, even if that means toning down my, and these are their words not mine: 'seriousness about relationships.'
they told me their definition of love. told me it was seeing each other clearly and their wants, their needs, their beauty, and especially their flaws. Its not about fulfilling those wants and needs or praising their beauty or fixing their flaws but seeing every bit and loving them for every flaw. Love is not having to think.
Well I'll tell you what. because I went from so fast from friend to caring for you was because I wasn't thinking about it. I felt for you and I pursued it. I didnt run around the friendship track, because I saw a shortcut that I thought would make us both happy. I thought that you could accept me for my flaw, and to try and get around it. But apparently I was wrong.
The words that came out of their mind were: 'I dont want this relationship. I dont want you to try to get me back. you can move on.'
But I dont want too.
Now here I sit, because ive been laying in bed for five hours and havnt been able to fall asleep. why? because I said the right thing at the wrong time. and I destroyed something that made me happy. and It was my fault. So please...bare with me if I seem down or depressed. because I have a good right to be."

Quoted.

My take it on it babe? I dunno. I can try to get sad, but I'll prolly bounce back right up after failing desperately on trying to get sad for.............say...............3 days the max? Lols.
I for one, know what the hell I want. I can't spend time in stagnation baby, cause my power drive is in gear 6 (s3X) baby.
I mean come on, won't you rather be sweet, creative and charming rather than sulky and depressed? haha.......

Sorry for the surprise

I believe in saying good morning, saying hi and being courteous because I sincerely wish them well.
Not because I want to owe it up to social expectations. It means if I don't feel like it, I won't wish some1 well, or say GOOD JOB. When I say something "good". It means I mean something "good".
How further self-explanatory is that?
Likewise, when I figure that its sh@t, I say its sh@t. Thats that.
SO the darn argument about, there's nothing to be happy about so don't etc etc etc. Fake etc etc etc.

LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL dude. The only reason y you think its fake, its cause you are FAKE. You are FAKING a simple "good morning". Faking a "wave". A "hi". A.....anything.... Thats y u feel so pressured. If you sincerely want to say hi and u are sincerely enthusiastic, how the hell, is that FAKE? Seriously, I don't even know how to begin looking at things that way.

1st of: I don't shove sunshine up your a$$. Or anybody's a$$ for that matter. Got that?
2nd of: SO if I say somehting, I mean it.
3rd of: I don't need to prove something, cause I am something alrd. More so prove it to some1 like you.
4th of: I don't apologise for something I did, cause obviously, it wasn't something wrong. If it was, I'd be apologising. Then again, I am hardly apologising.

Ooo....did I overwhelm you? Gee. I'm sorry. Its meant to be overwhelming. Cause dude, I'm one in a million and I am overwhelming. So if its too much for u, its probably u got small @#$% and u can't @#$% take this up. I think u can hardly lift ur @#$% up.
You either got the guts to say it and do it or you don't. You? You obviously don't.

So yea........If you're the dark to the light, never satisfied, and you only know things that will fail to be, pessimistic, seeing the ends to come, where every joy is lost to a tragedy, and still wondering why you cannot find your peace today, let me tell u:

You could be standing in the sunset or sunrise and still u'll see rain coming down with dark clouds, when its super bright to everyone else. N your heart could be pumping cold and grey.

SO, do every1 else around you and us a favour:
1: Keep your misery.
2: Keep your cloud of darkness and doom off my parade.

N know that:
3: Where ever I go, I set off a spark and I burn all your cloud away and steal more sparks and continue to burn.

When there's an imbalanced equation PA=HW+CPM+CMS+L

You want it to end but you know it never stops
You're determined to start, but you know it will end.
You walk the path, but you get lost.
 Hopeless you may seem, you will feel at home.

A home you could stay, but you have no heart.
A heart you may have, but you have no soul.
A soul you may have, but it is empty.

And sacrifices must be made to fill this endless void of which it is empty.

I ask not, for I know.
I know not, for I haven't seen.
I see not, for I hear.
I hear not, for my fears.
I fear not, for I feel.
And I feel not for I can never feel.

I ask not of the questions, for I know its answers.
I seek not the answer because I know it will happen.
And I need not of your reassurance, for I am sure.
I need not to be told. For I know what you will say.
And I sing not, lest it be the truth. Now hear me.........

Of random thoughts that don't make sense

Sometimes it seems so hard to really feel
It doesn't take a broken heart just to get it real.
You won't know what it really feels like.
You'd be wondering if you're not meant to be.
Maybe you can't compromise. But whatever it is, that this subject, it gets you dry.
The mention of it, freaks you out. How can something so simple seem so complicated?
A restless heart. A restless mind. A restless soul. Restless thoughts.
For a moment you had rest. Seems like the best. That you stay alone. And you ask if you'd just like to be there. Alone. Not that bad once you "get used" to it.

No amount of preparation gets you anywhere.
You're just better off prepared. But you don't get there for sure or thanks to your planning. Planning is a largely overdressed thing. You're just better off prepared.

Then again, if something is cool to you. You don't "get used" to it. You DON'T have to "try". It'll be so easy. Why would you need to pretend? You had it set and done. Getting "used" to partying till no tomorrow. More like "being used". No worries. Life is short. etc etc etc. And? You thought that. That was it. Thats the ruddy end to the story of the party till 5am story.

Till you "found" this person. Till you had someone. Or you could say that she had you. Someone that makes a meaning out of it and makes you be a better person not just cause its for SOMEBODY. Not just cause you wanna impress SOMEBODY. Not just cause of anything. Just cause......you care about this person. And you think of endless possibilities. And somehow, you fear losing something now. Not afraid of losing her to somebody. But you fear that you cannot provide. Not that any amount of accommodation was required from you. But you just feel it. The indescribable feeling. Its not gratitude or blind wants or desire that you needed. Just this......duty/privilege that you feel. Something no words can explain. Something that made you care. You tread around. Doing stuff. You don't care. Nobody. No one. Ever. Gets at you for naught. Then.....gee. You realise. Hey. You do care. You can care. That feeling and that capacity? I dunno where it went long and lost somewhere in X-files. N suddenly. You do care?
For constant intervals you figure out. That you must be dreaming. Maybe you haven't been sleeping. Maybe you haven't been partying enough. Then, you realise.......that long lost data trapped somewhere you thought was corrupted and deleted did show up again. And it starts running inside that RAM. And you.....don't know what it is about. The feeling seem so strange. Its almost alien.

And it restarted/rebooted the program. You thought it was an end. Cause life's gotta be that way right? For sometime, there are certain motions and laws of things that were just never broken. In came somebody who broke all the rules. Till you figure it wasn't. I don't know how many illusions you'd see through. But how many? Would someone give you another illusion till you work it up? Or is it just another story never meant to be? Now I could ask a million questions about that. Contemplate a million years and never start living or I'm just better off. being alive. for who I am. How cool is that.
It wasn't my problem that I was born too perfect for you.
And sometimes you don't even believe whatever you're saying. But then someone. Someone made you so certain with every word you say. It wasn't about confidence. But something's different in every word you say now. Because it all made perfect sense.

What?? 0.o?

Some people emo after exams....really .....odd....
If I said this, they would say, " Aiya, you diff case, damn geng etc etc..... "
Truth is babe......I'm geng with or without exam papers, so stop saying I'm geng only after exams lol.

Ain't the 1st time of the day I'm hyper neways.
I look like I'm crazy N a fool to you, but dude, the whole world looks like that to me too.
So I guess its mutual. Haha xD

Y so upset over the paper over the day? Just chill la bro...........

Friend: I scared of the ABC paper.
Me: Dude, you'll pass. Let me show u the calculations......[shown]
Friend: I still dunno abt the paper.
Me: Dude I'd bet RM 50,000 on that paper.....

Friend 2: [sighs] You're in such a good position.
Me: Why?
Friend 2: You get to be so carefree.
Me: Lols. You're carefree when ya wanna be man.....
Friend 2: No man. Serious man. Study.
Me: Lol. Of course I'm carefree now. Done the paper. Of course I'd be serious when I'm studying. But why the hell stress myself up right now for some paper that's already done....lol!

The heart, the soul and the mind

In your heart, there is a flame, a desire, a want and a need to be satisfied. A hunger.

It seems nothing can put it out until a point in time where you realize it could be put out.

In your soul, there is a pain, a pain so long ago, you would not even remember what caused it. But it is there and it will somehow never cease to exist.
Its there, whether you look at it or not, hope for it to be gone or not. Forget it or not.

In your mind, you seek forgiveness, security and solace in a direction you almost never know all the time.

Life can be simple. But only when you want it to be.

Here's the deal. I think we have enough negativity in our lives.
Some may say, " What so good about the bloody morning? "
I beg to differ and say, " Well its great that every morning is bloody. "
When a problem arrives, laugh at it, take it like a challenge. Climb it over.

Be strong.

Steps on making life simple:
1: If you MISS somebody, CALL them
2: If you wanna MEET UP with someone, just INVITE them.
3: If you think you're MISUNDERSTOOD, EXPLAIN.
4: If you don't UNDERSTAND or have DOUBTS, ASK
5: If you DISLIKE something, SAY it.
6: If you LIKE that, STATE it
7: If you WANT something, ASK FOR IT.
8: Well, if you LOVE her, TELL HER.

One might say, I don't bother to smile at some1 everyday, it makes me look fake N try-hard.
The is the perspective of " how I don't BOTHER "
My take it on it, I think the world is dark enough to be any darker, so.....
I'd rather smile, laugh, pass the day N make somebody's world brighter.

Sure, I might not be able to make BIG changes like give them a car, a house, money or anything for that matter. I can't get them a scholarship if they don't have 1 or anything else if they don't own that.
I think I could at least get them to smile???

I think thats good enough to make the world brighter.
You could either say I'm living every each day(still alive everyday) or I'm dying everyday (closer to deathbed). Its totally your take. Free country.

Despite the fact that I would like to crack some stuff N get ppl to smile at "annoying" me, I have the perspective that I'm 1 step closer to death everyday.
N thats why...........I'm dying everyday, just to see you smile.