Innocence

I would not know for sure how many have experienced good childhood altogether.
I surely would say that I have enjoyed mine.

Those memories almost seem gone away and waned like how the moon have.
Now I know why people can no longer write good literature.
Once you reflect back, you realise how the environment was back then.

Listening to songs that were older gives you an idea of the pace and tempo of the life back then.
It really wasn't that fast.

After sometime you've spent here, you lose the feeling of the eager to learn and sometimes disheartened to see any further than what you already see.
And then, you remember, how innocent, naive and curiousity took you the moment you walked out of your door exploring options and learning about the world.

Oh, I sure miss those days where I could cycle and play off at a field without concern or worries. Saying words that I won't know half the time. Playing football with neighbours without any shoes on, on a tar road, going downhill to race, fall down, hurt myself, sweat.

But yea, that was all worth it for the fun of it.
I believe, deep down inside every one of us, is a child, our real self, covered by commercialization, peer pressure, standards, culture and every other thing that was meant to distort the identity.
With reference to the Bible, mankind honestly, was not this complicated at initial creation.

Today, with all the hectic schedule, I almost forgotten what it was to live. These childhood memories have one lesson to teach all of us, regardless of what type of experience you had, the lesson was, despite our chases for certain things in life, honestly, there is only one thing you really are looking for.

A life. And its a good and happy one.
Sometimes we work too hard, get affected by negativity, get stubborn and forget about the point of working so hard in the first place.
Its all for a better living.

So, don't lose the rationale and the sanity, we're all trying to get past out life as sane here.
Lets keep each other sane and happy.

Blasphemy

Sometimes in life you just feel the pain but you can't let it go.
Sometimes in life people give you pain but you just can't do anything but to grit your teeth and take it in.
Sometimes you give yourself pain in life, but you really intentional do it and don't intend on letting it go either.

But tell me, what hath a simple man like me can do, when thy beloved Father tells you in his name not to achieve?

It is fine that I encounter anything or anyone that would have not given a damn.
But this, I cannot take.
Imagine if you have been achieving, studying, going all out at one thing all these while for this one person.

And when that point arrives, you realize that this person, you admired, cared about and respected so much, your role model, you realize, that this person, did not trust you.

You realize that he has always been watching you. Careful, cautious. Yes.
Caring. In a way.
But what happens if you realize that he has been watching you because he does not trust you?

What would you do if you realize that he suspected you of something?
What happen if you realize that he was slightly jealous?

What happen when all your efforts that was pure sincerity to impress and achieve in his name, hoping to someday repay back the deeds he has done to you so far as you have lived under his roof, what happen, when all of your sincerity and good thought and your filial efforts, filial ideas, filial core and principles been labeled as SELFISHNESS and an ENDLESS and POINTLESS CHASE in life?

How would you feel? How would you react? Would you have stopped achieving altogether?
Would you have suicide by that 30 floor apartment you always wanted to jump down from, because you felt free??

It is odd, how your parents would tell you to achieve, and take care of them in the future, yet tell you now, that you should not study so hard. Be lax, be a sloth and enjoy life. Learn nothing. It will be fine.
Perhaps I can assume that their era was filled with dumb and lax people who give no effort to achieve. Or I can so believe that they are too many years ahead of me that they have no more MEANING to life but to lax and be a sloth.

It is critically your LIFE and your CONCERN that you are awaiting DEATH or that DEATH awaits you. Or even perhaps that the gradient of your LIVING GRAPH is going downwards. However much I may respect and care for someone in that MANNER. I cannot FORGO my OWN LIFE and say that I TOO SHALL JOIN YOUR MOOD of ANTICIPATION OF DEATH itself and ACHIEVE NOTHING.
I have a LIFE!
If you do not have ONE, I can accompany you, take care of you, earn a living for you, everything else under the sun, but TELLING ME TO NOT ACHIEVE and be LAX and be a SLOTH IS RIDICULOUS!!

Tell me. How in that condition will I ever get rich to repay their kind deeds?
How, is it possible for me to change my destiny, that I am to remain poor and work my entire life off for a living, how am I to change that fate within my hands, if I am not to give it my all and my best to achieve and survive?

Equality and Defensiveness what not.

Lets get it straight.

Novocaine.
That's my favourite pain killer.

Sometimes in life you just feel the pain but you can't let it go.
Sometimes in life people give you pain but you just can't do anything but to grit your teeth and take it in.
Sometimes you give yourself pain in life, but you really intentional do it and don't intend on letting it go either.

Sometimes, in part of your life, one rascal just has to show up and screw all your EFFORTS in PRE-PLANNING something or scheduling something. Yes, regardless of whether you have it planned and systematically allocated over a useful life or planning for something 10 years ahead. SOME bloody sucker just have to come in and fck it up. Stuff happens.

However, we tend to feel less upset when it is a condition that is somehow compulsory or something beyond our control wrecks our plan. Basically, we feel hopeless and frustrated when our plans get overturned. But we, feel less upset when its a condition that is reasonable. Like how we can't control the economics.

We won't blame the economics for our loss of profit in shares but we will blame the agent and the consultants for not telling us advice in advance (regardless of whether they did give us a warning, the tendency is to blame others before blaming ourselves).

So, after that kind of short discussion.
If you actually imagine that everything is under your control, it would not relate to such an upset condition and you would fare better in life because you would account for such problems perhaps maybe 2 weeks ahead.

You can start by thinking, "Perhaps this was my fault for not accounting for this and that......etc." You would develop yourself better.

You would calculate and anticipate for HIGHER RASCALS and higher LIFE WRECKERS in your life EVER.
That's how that pessimistic theory of Morris or whatever came up with anyway.
To assume the worst.

So, lesson learnt. Next time, will account for all kinds of things.
Including the people factor and failure factor. Then lets just see what God has in store for me.
In the meantime, thank God cause I'm still alive.