Sometimes in life you just feel the pain but you can't let it go.
Sometimes in life people give you pain but you just can't do anything but to grit your teeth and take it in.
Sometimes you give yourself pain in life, but you really intentional do it and don't intend on letting it go either.
But tell me, what hath a simple man like me can do, when thy beloved Father tells you in his name not to achieve?
It is fine that I encounter anything or anyone that would have not given a damn.
But this, I cannot take.
Imagine if you have been achieving, studying, going all out at one thing all these while for this one person.
And when that point arrives, you realize that this person, you admired, cared about and respected so much, your role model, you realize, that this person, did not trust you.
You realize that he has always been watching you. Careful, cautious. Yes.
Caring. In a way.
But what happens if you realize that he has been watching you because he does not trust you?
What would you do if you realize that he suspected you of something?
What happen if you realize that he was slightly jealous?
What happen when all your efforts that was pure sincerity to impress and achieve in his name, hoping to someday repay back the deeds he has done to you so far as you have lived under his roof, what happen, when all of your sincerity and good thought and your filial efforts, filial ideas, filial core and principles been labeled as SELFISHNESS and an ENDLESS and POINTLESS CHASE in life?
How would you feel? How would you react? Would you have stopped achieving altogether?
Would you have suicide by that 30 floor apartment you always wanted to jump down from, because you felt free??
It is odd, how your parents would tell you to achieve, and take care of them in the future, yet tell you now, that you should not study so hard. Be lax, be a sloth and enjoy life. Learn nothing. It will be fine.
Perhaps I can assume that their era was filled with dumb and lax people who give no effort to achieve. Or I can so believe that they are too many years ahead of me that they have no more MEANING to life but to lax and be a sloth.
It is critically your LIFE and your CONCERN that you are awaiting DEATH or that DEATH awaits you. Or even perhaps that the gradient of your LIVING GRAPH is going downwards. However much I may respect and care for someone in that MANNER. I cannot FORGO my OWN LIFE and say that I TOO SHALL JOIN YOUR MOOD of ANTICIPATION OF DEATH itself and ACHIEVE NOTHING.
I have a LIFE!
If you do not have ONE, I can accompany you, take care of you, earn a living for you, everything else under the sun, but TELLING ME TO NOT ACHIEVE and be LAX and be a SLOTH IS RIDICULOUS!!
Tell me. How in that condition will I ever get rich to repay their kind deeds?
How, is it possible for me to change my destiny, that I am to remain poor and work my entire life off for a living, how am I to change that fate within my hands, if I am not to give it my all and my best to achieve and survive?
Honestly, I don't know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what are you going thru.
I don't know what he really said to you.
But it hurts for me to see you down.
First Q: to love him. Not that you don't love him already, but that's one thing you can do since he said that.
He has already turned off his room light, waiting for the shooting star. Or, perhaps he could be waiting for someone to turn on his room light. Which every person only occasionally flashes a torch light. It wasn't enough, he couldn't get out of that darkness.
Dispirited, he waited for too long for nothing to happen, he decided to get out and blow the fuse. The whole house is in darkness now. He pulled the entire titanic down into the dark, deep ocean.
He isn't selfish, and it isn't a pointless, endless chase. He lost all hope, and seeks energy within you. By crushing your every hope, he wants you to see the world from his point of view.
Find the switch, turn the lights on, and lead him to see the world in a brighter perspective. By bringing yourself together, only can you pull him back up to the surface.
It isn't that he doesn't trust you. It's that he trusts you so much, he's completely depending on you to pull him back up.
If it is ridiculous, then don't lose that life.
Instead, bring life into him.
Take that step forward. Change your fate, as how you want it.